Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
