ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
