I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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