Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
