the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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