I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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