I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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