i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
