That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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