I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
