Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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