im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
