I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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