I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You were trust falling into bushes
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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