Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
