I think I am morally bankrupt
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
