I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
