You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
