What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
