This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
