I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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