He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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