plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
