Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
