My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
