i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
