Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
