yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
