Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
