I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
