dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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