my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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