I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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