so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
