Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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