where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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