My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
