man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
