i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Boobs are out for the taking
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
