I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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