Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
