youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
