im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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