Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize