margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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