So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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