No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
