You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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