Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
