How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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