Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
