so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
