The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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