Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
