it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
