I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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