you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
