I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My balls are so social today.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
