how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
