so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
