she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
