I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
