I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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