I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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