I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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